Meet the Pleaser

Main Focus: Believes they gain acceptance and affection by helping, pleasing, reducing, accommodating, and flattering others. Sacrifices their own wants and needs for others. Says "yes" even when they want to say "no".

Characteristics: Driven by their need to be liked by everyone. Needs reassurance, acceptance, and affection from others. Neglects their own wants and needs.

Thoughts: Need to do these things and be this person so people will like and appreciate me. Others' needs are more important than mine. Gets frustrated when their efforts go unnoticed. Can be selfish and ungrateful. No one else will rescue people if I don't.

Feelings: If they express their own wants and needs, that is selfish and will drive people away. They feel resentful and taken advantage of but they will not express it.

Lies They Tell You: I help others without expecting anything in return, if more people were like me the world would be a better place. If I don't do this, who will? If I do this more people will like me. If I don't people will stop liking me.

Impact on Self and Others: Has a tendency to ignore and disregard their own wants and needs for others. This can include physical, emotional, or financial needs. Can lead to resentment, insecurity, anxiety, and burnout. Others can start feeling obligated, guilty, or manipulated or they can become dependent and not be able to care for themselves.

Original Survival Function: The Pleaser's belief that they need to do things for others to get them to like them is an indirect attempt to have emotional needs met. This is from one or both childhood conditioning. 1. I must put others' needs before my own 2. I must give and do things for others in order to get love and affection. It needs to be earned and I need to prove I am worthy.