Meet the Victim

Main Focus: Gains attention and affection through pitty, emotions or martyrdom. Very self-focused especially on their own internal feeling, most particularly the negative, painful ones.

Characteristics: Will withdraw, pout or sulk if they are feeling criticized or misunderstood. Can be dramatic and temperamental. Have a tendency to give up when things get hard. Repressed rage shows up as anxiety, depression, or constant fatigue. Feels more comfortable when having difficulties. Gets attention by having emotional or physical problems, or by being temperamental or pouting.

Thoughts: Poor me. No one gets me. Bad things always happen to me. I am so unlucky. If only someone could rescue me.

Feelings: Rumintes over negative feelings or events for a long time. Can feel alone or lonely even when they are with people, even people they are close to. Constant feelings of abandonment. Compares self to others and has envy and resentment.

Lies They Tell You: Being this way is the only way I get love and attention. Sadness is noble and sophisticated. It shows I'm in touch with my emotions and have depth.

Impact on Self and Others: Ends up pushing people away because they feel frustrated, helpless, or guilty they cannot help the Victim's pain. Or, they are tired of the Victim always dwelling in doom and gloom.

Original Survival Function: The victim is usually a result of the child that does not feel seen, heard, or accepted. The victim feels they can get some type of emotion if people feel sorry for them, people who would otherwise not even pay attention to them. Pitty and feeling sorry for them is better than nothing.